I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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