Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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