He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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