and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
