HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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