How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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