you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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