i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
