All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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