In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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