i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
