You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
is wine microwaveable?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
