Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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