batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
