i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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