i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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