apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
