White coat. Heels.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize