At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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