he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
