I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
