the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
