I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
