When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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