You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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