Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
