he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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