I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
