Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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