Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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