It's Friday. Sex?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
