Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
