i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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