it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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