the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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