He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
