why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
