Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
