My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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