So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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