tell your sister to shave her snatch
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
