How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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