i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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