I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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