I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
