im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
