New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize