I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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