you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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