I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My liver just had a heart attack.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
