You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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