College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
