I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just found puke in my bra..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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