I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have tasted many bathrooms
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
