We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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