Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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