Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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