Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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