You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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