Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
