too bad you live with your parents still
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
