if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
