none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
