the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
