I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
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