Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
