he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
