theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
