I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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