I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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