woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
