What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
