OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
