the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
