i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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