I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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