Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we have pet lesbian snakes
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
