I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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