Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
