'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
