So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I enjoy the company of your penis
try to milk me bitch
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