And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
