And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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