i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
